Holy Humor

During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember
these four great religious truths:



1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen People.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3.Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.



GOOD SAMARITAN

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan.

She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and

bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence,

"I think I'd throw up.."



DID NOAH FISH?


A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing

when he was on the Ark ?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two
worms.


THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most
quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23 . She gave the youngsters a month to
learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't
remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first
line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the
congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the
microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to
know."

UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and
bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him
why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his
messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He
doesn't answer it?" she asked.


BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers
for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy
replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"


ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family
member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks,
after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls." This
soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity
got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about
all girls?" Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers by
saying 'All Men'!"


SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's
house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When
Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny! Please
wait until we say our prayer." said his mother. "I don't need to," the boy
replied. "Of course, you do "his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before
eating at our house." "That's at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is
Grandma's house and she knows how to cook.


THE BIBLE
Did you know that... When you carry the Bible, Satan has a headache. When you
open it, he collapses. When he sees you reading it, he faints. Let's read the
Bible every day so he keeps on fainting. Maybe one day he'll have a stroke and
never wake up.
And did you also know that when you are about to forward this email to others,
The devil will discourage you but forward it anyway.

THE FINAL INSPECTION

The Soldier stood and faced God,

Which must always come to pass.

He hoped his shoes were shining,

Just as brightly as his brass..

'Step forward now, Soldier ,

How shall I deal with you?

Have you always turned the other cheek?

To My Church have you been true?'

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,

'No, Lord, I guess I ain't.

Because those of us who carry guns,

Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays,

And at times my talk was tough.

And sometimes I've been violent,

Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny,

That wasn't mine to keep...

Though I worked a lot of overtime,

When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,

Though at times I shook with fear..

And sometimes, God, forgive me,

I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place,

Among the people here.

They never wanted me around,

Except to calm their fears

If you've a place for me here, Lord,

It needn't be so grand.

I never expected or had too much,

But if you don't, I'll understand.

There was a silence all around the throne,

Where the saints had often trod.

As the Soldier waited quietly,

For the judgment of his God.

'Step forward now, you Soldier,

You've borne your burdens well.

Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,

You've done your time in Hell.'

Author Unknown~

It's the Soldier, not the reporter
Who has given us the freedom of the press.

It's the Soldier, not the poet,
Who has given us the freedom of speech.

It's the Soldier, not the politicians
That ensures our right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness..

It's the Soldier who salutes the flag,
Who serves beneath the flag,
And whose coffin is draped by the flag.

A Football Game in Tennessee

Christianity is now the target of persecution... At a Tennessee Football Game

THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS! GOD BLESS EVERYONE WHO READS THIS AND PASSES IT ON.
I FIND IT INTERESTING THAT A HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL CAN SEE THE PROBLEM, BUT OUR SOCIETY CANNOT.



Tennessee Football

This is a statement that was read over the PA system at the football game at Roane County High School

, Kingston , Tennessee by school Principal, Jody McLeod.

"It has always been the custom at Roane County High School football games, to say a prayer and play the National Anthem, to honor God and Country."

Due to a recent ruling by the Supreme Court, I am told that saying a Prayer is a violation of Federal Case Law. As I understand the law at this time, I can use this public facility to approve of sexual perversion and call it "an alternate life style," and if someone is offended, that's OK.

I can use it to condone sexual promiscuity, by dispensing condoms and calling it, "safe sex." If someone is offended, that's OK.

I can even use this public facility to present the merits of killing an unborn baby as a "viable" means of birth control." If someone is offended, no problem...
I can designate a school day as "Earth Day" and involve students in activities to worship religiously and praise the goddess "Mother Earth" and call it "ecology.."

I can use literature, videos and presentations in the classroom that depicts people with strong, traditional Christian convictions as "simple minded" and "ignorant" and call it "enlightenment.."

However, if anyone uses this facility to honor GOD and to ask HIM to Bless this event with safety and good sportsmanship, then Federal Case Law is violated.

This appears to be inconsistent at best, and at worst, diabolical.
Apparently, we are to be tolerant of everything and anyone, except GOD and HIS Commandments.

Nevertheless, as a school principal, I frequently ask staff and students to abide by rules with which they do not necessarily agree. For me to do otherwise would be inconsistent at best, and at worst, hypocritical. I suffer from that affliction enough unintentionally. I certainly do not need to add an intentional transgression.

For this reason, I shall "Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's," and refrain from praying at this time.

" However, if you feel inspired to honor, praise and thank GOD and ask HIM,in the name of JESUS, to Bless this event, please feel free to do so.. As far as I know, that's not against the law----yet."

One by one, the people in the stands bowed their heads, held hands with one another and began to pray.

They prayed in the stands. They prayed in the team huddles. They prayed at the concession stand and they prayed in the Announcer's Box!
The only place they didn't pray was in the Supreme Court of the United States of America- the Seat of "Justice" in the "one nation, under GOD."

Somehow, Kingston , Tennessee Remembered what so many have forgotten. We are given the FreedomOF Religion, not the Freedom FROM Religion. Praise GOD that HIS remnant remains!

JESUS said,

"If you are ashamed of ME before men, then I will be ashamed of you before MY FATHER.."

If you are not ashamed, pass this on.
I'm not one bit ashamed to pass this on, Are you?

The Tablecloth

The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned
to their first ministry, to reopen a church
in suburban Brooklyn , arrived in early October
excited about their opportunities. When they saw
their church, it was very run down and needed
much work. They set a goal to have everything
done in time to have their first service
on Christmas Eve. 

They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls,
painting, etc, and on December 18 
were ahead of schedule and just about finished. 

On December 19 a terrible tempest - a driving
rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two days. 
On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church.
His heart sank when he saw that the roof had
leaked, causing a large area of plaster about
20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall
of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit,
beginning about head high. 
The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor,
and not knowing what else to do but postpone 
the Christmas Eve service, headed home. 
On the way he noticed that a local business was 
having a flea market type sale for charity, so he 
stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, 
handmade, ivory colored, crocheted tablecloth 
with exquisite work, fine colors and a Cross 
embroidered right in the center. It was just 
the right size to cover the hole in the front 
wall. He bought it and headed back to the church. 

B y this time it had started to snow. An older
woman running from the opposite direction was
trying to catch the bus. She missed it. The pastor
invited her to wait in the warm church for
the next bus 45 minutes later.

She sat in a pew and paid no attention to the pastor
while he got a ladder, hangers, etc., to put
up the tablecloth as a wall tapestry. The pastor
could hardly believe how beautiful it looked and
it covered up the entire problem area. 

Then he noticed the woman walking down the center
aisle. Her face was like a sheet. "Pastor,"
she asked, "where did you get that tablecloth?"
The pastor explained. The woman asked him to check
the lower right corner to see if the initials, EBG were crocheted into
it there. They were. These were the initials of the woman, and she had
made this tablecloth 35 years before, in Austria . 

The woman could hardly believe it as the pastor
told how he had just gotten "The Tablecloth". The
woman explained that before the war she and
her husband were well-to-do people in Austria .

When the Nazis came, she was forced to leave.
Her husband was going to follow her the next week.
He was captured, sent to prison and never saw her
husband or her home again. 

The pastor wanted to give her the tablecloth;
but she made the pastor keep it for the church.
The pastor insisted on driving her home. That
was the least he could do. She lived on the other
side of Staten Island and was only in Brooklyn
for the day for a housecleaning job.

What a wonderful service they had on Christmas 
Eve. The church was almost full. The music and the 
spirit were great. At the end of the service, the 
pastor and his wife greeted everyone at the door 
and many said that they would return.

One older man, whom the pastor recognized 
from the neighborhood continued to sit in one of the 
pews and stare, and the pastor wondered why he 
wasn't leaving. 

The man asked him where he got the tablecloth on
the front wall because it was identical to one
that his wife had made years ago when
they lived in Austria before the war and how
could there be two tablecloths so much alike? 

He told the pastor how the Nazis came, how he
forced his wife to flee for her safety and he was
supposed to follow her, but he was arrested and
put in a prison. He never saw his wife or his home
again all the 35 years between. 

The pastor asked him if he would allow him to 
take him for a little ride. They drove to Staten
Island and to the same house where the pastor
had taken the woman three days earlier. 

He helped the man climb the three flights of
stairs to the woman's apartment, knocked on
the door and he saw the greatest Christmas
reunion he could ever imagine.

True Story - submitted by Pastor Rob Reid 
who says God does work in mysterious ways.
I asked the Lord to bless you as I prayed for 
you today, to guide you and protect you as you go
along your way. His love is always with you. His 
promises are true, and when we give Him all our
cares we know He will see us through. 

S o when the road you're traveling seems
difficult at best, just remember I'm here
praying and God will do the rest. Pass this on
to those you want God to bless and remember
to send it back to the one who asked God to bless
you first. 

When there is nothing left but God, that is when
you find out that God is all you need Take 60
seconds and give this a shot! All you do is simply
say the following small prayer for the person
who sent this to you.

Father, God, bless all my friends and family in what 
ever it is that You know they may be needing this
day! May their lives be full of Your peace,
prosperity and power as they seek to have a closer relationship with You. Amen.

T hen send it on to five other people, including the 
one who sent it to you. Within hours five people have
prayed for you and you caused a multitude of people
to pray for other people. Then, sit back and watch the
power of God work in your life.


P. S. Five is good, but more is better.

Pat Boone on Obama......Simply Outstanding

CHRISTIAN NATION!

When you have read what Pat Boone wrote about Obama(below), you may want to click on the link to "Snopes", which brings up a page telling you that this is an actual letter written by Pat Boone - and Very well written, I might add.

THIS IS AN EXCELLENT COMMENTARY,

AND SHOULD BE READ BY EVERY AMERICAN  !

The President Without A Country
By Pat Boone

"We're no longer a Christian nation." - President Barack Obama, June 2009

" America has been arrogant." - President Barack Obama

"After 9/11, America didn't always live up to her ideals."- President Barack Obama

"You might say that America is a Muslim nation."- President Barack Obama, Egypt 2009

Thinking about these and other statements made by the man who wears the title of president. I keep wondering what country he believes he's president of.

In one of my very favorite stories, Edward Everett Hale's "The Man without a Country," a young Army lieutenant named Philip Nolan stands condemned for treason during the Revolutionary War, having come under the influence of Aaron Burr. When the judge asks him if he wishes to say anything before sentence is passed, young Nolan defiantly exclaims, "Damn the United States! I wish I might never hear of the United States again!"

The stunned silence in the courtroom is palpable, pulsing. After a long pause, the judge soberly says to the angry lieutenant: "You have just pronounced your own sentence. You will never hear of the United States again.. I sentence you to spend the rest of your life at sea, on one or another of this country's naval vessels - under strict orders that no one will ever speak to you again about the country you have just cursed."

And so it was. Philip Nolan was taken away and spent the next 40 years at sea, never hearing anything but an occasional slip of the tongue about America.. The last few pages of the story, recounting Nolan's dying hours in his small stateroom - now turned into a shrine to the country he foreswore - never fail to bring me to tears.  And I find my own love for this dream, this miracle called America, refreshed and renewed. I know how blessed and unique we are.

But reading and hearing the audacious, shocking statements of the man who was recently elected our president - a young black man living the impossible dream of millions of young Americans, past and present, black and white - I want to ask him, "Just what country do you think you're president of?"

You surely can't be referring to the United States of America, can you? America is emphatically a Christian nation, and has been from its inception! Seventy percent of her citizens identify themselves as Christian. The Declaration of Independence and our Constitution were framed, written and ratified by Christians. It's because this was, and is, a nation built on and guided by Judeo-Christian biblical principles that you, sir, have had the inestimable privilege of being elected her president.

You studied law at Harvard, didn't you, sir? You taught constitutional law in Chicago ?  Did you not ever read the statement of John Jay, the first Chief Justice of the Supreme Court and an author of the landmark "Federalist Papers": "Providence has given to our people the choice of their rulers - and it is the duty, as well as the privilege and interest of our Christian nation - to select and prefer Christians for their rulers"?

In your studies, you surely must have read the decision of the Supreme Court in 1892: "Our lives and our institutions must necessarily be based upon and embody the teachings of the Redeemer of mankind. It is impossible that it should be otherwise; and in this sense and to this extent our civilization and our institutions are emphatically Christian."

Did your professors have you skip over all the high-court decisions right up till the mid 1900's that echoed and reinforced these views and intentions?  Did you pick up the history of American jurisprudence only in 1947, when for the first time a phrase coined by Thomas Jefferson about a "wall of separation between church and state" was used to deny some specific religious expression - contrary to Jefferson 's intent with that statement?

Or, wait a minute: were your ideas about America 's Christianity formed during the 20 years you were a member of the Trinity United Church of Christ under your pastor, Jeremiah Wright?  Is that where you got the idea that " America is no longer a Christian nation"? Is this where you, even as you came to call yourself a Christian, formed the belief that " America has been arrogant"?

Even if that's the understandable explanation of your damning of your country and accusing the whole nation (not just a few military officials trying their best to keep more Americans from being murdered by jihadists) of "not always living up to her ideals," how did you come up with the ridiculous, alarming notion that we might be"considered a Muslim nation"?

Is it because there are some 2 million or more Muslims living here, trying to be good Americans? Out of a current population of over 300 million, 70 percent of whom are Christians? Does that make us, by any rational definition, a "Muslim nation"?

Why are we not, then, a "Chinese nation"? A "Korean nation"? Even a "Vietnamese nation"? There are even more of these distinct groups in America than Muslims. And if the distinction you're trying to make is a religious one, why is America not "a Jewish nation"? There's actually a case to be made for the latter, because our Constitution - and the success of our Revolution and founding - owe a deep debt to our Jewish brothers.

Have you stopped to think what an actual Muslim America would be like? Have you ever really spent much time in Iran ? Even in Egypt ? You, having been instructed in Islam as a kid at a Muslim school in Indonesia and saying you still love the call to evening prayers, can surely picture our nation founded on the Quran, not the Judeo-Christian Bible, and living under Shariah law. Can't you? You do recall Muhammad's directives [Surah 9:5,73] to "break the cross" and "kill the infidel"?

It seems increasingly and painfully obvious that you are more influenced by your upbringing and questionable education than most suspected.  If you consider yourself the president of a people who are "no longer Christian," who have "failed to live up to our ideals," who "have been arrogant," and might even be "considered Muslim" - you are president of a country most Americans don't recognize.

Could it be you are a president without a country?

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/patboone.asp

Eat Mor Chikin

(I like Chick-fil-A sandwiches.  Think I'll have them more often now.  BYW, the info in this email appears to be factual.  You can check it out by Googling "war against Chick-fil-A" or similar. )

Believe I'll go to Chick-fil-A and get some "Jesus Chicken" and waffle fries
for my family at least once a week. Chick-fil-A is an American success story. Founded by Georgian entrepreneur Truett Cathy in 1946, the family-owned chicken-sandwich chain is one of the country's largest fast-food businesses. It employs some 50,000 workers across the country at 1,500 outlets in nearly 40 states and the District of Columbia. The company generates more than $2 billion in revenue and serves millions of happy customers with trademark Southern hospitality.

So, what's the problem? Well, Chick-fil-A is run by devout Christians who
believe in strong marriages, devoted families, and the highest standards of
character for their workers. The restaurant chain's official corporate mission is to "glorify God" and "enrich the lives of everyone we touch." The company's community-service initiatives, funded through its WinShape Foundation, support foster-care, scholarship, summer-camp, and marriage-enrichment programs. On Sunday, all Chick-fil-A stores close so workers can spend the day at worship and rest.

Over the past month, several progressive-activist blogs have waged an ugly
war against Chick-fil-A. The company's alleged atrocity: One of its independent outlets in Pennsylvania donated some sandwiches and brownies to a marriage seminar run by the Pennsylvania Family Institute, which happens to oppose same-sex marriage. In the name of tolerance, the anti-Chick-fil-A hawks sneered at the
company's main product as "Jesus Chicken," derided its no-Sunday-work
policy, and attacked its operators as "anti-gay." Petition drives on websites are demanding the company change and disavow their standards. Facebook users dutifully organized witch hunts against the company on college campuses.

Progressive groups are gloating over Chick-fil-A's public-relations troubles. This is not because they care about winning hearts and minds over gay rights or marriage policy, but because their core objective is to marginalize political opponents and chill Christian philanthropy and activism. The fearsome "muscle flexing" is being done by the hysterical bullies trying to drive them off of college grounds and out of their neighborhoods in the name of "human rights"

Please pass this on if you believe companies with Christian principles have
a right to freely conduct business in the U.S.

In God We Trust