Bumper-Stickers Seen On Military Bases:

"When in Doubt, Empty The Magazine"

"Sniper - You can run, but you'll just die tired!"

"Machine Gunners - Accuracy By Volume"

"Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything."

" U.S. Marines - Certified Counselors to the 72 Virgins Dating Club."

" U.S. Air Force - Travel Agents To Allah"

"Stop Global Whining"

"Naval Corollary: Dead Men Don't Testify"

"The Marine Corps - When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Destroyed Overnight"

"Death Smiles At Everyone - Marines Smile Back"

"What Do I Feel When I Kill A Terrorist? A Little Recoil"

"Marines - Providing Enemies of America an Opportunity To Die For their Country Since 1775"

"Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Anyone Who Threatens It"

"Happiness Is A Belt-Fed Weapon"

"It's God's Job to Forgive Bin Laden - It was Our Job To Arrange The Meeting"

"Artillery Brings Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be Just A Vulgar Brawl"

"One Shot, Twelve Kills - U.S. Naval Gun Fire Support "

"My Kid Fought In Iraq So Your Kid Can Party In College"

"A Dead Enemy Is A Peaceful Enemy - Blessed Be The Peacemakers"

"If You Can Read This, Thank A Teacher. If You Can Read It In English, Thank A Veteran"

...and finally

"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But the military doesn't have that problem"

HIGH SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2011

Scenario                 1:  

Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.

1957 -  Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2011 -  School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.    

Scenario                 2:    

Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.  

1957 -  Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.  

2011 -  Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark.  They are both charged with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it .  

Scenario                 3:    

Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.  

1957 -  Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal.  He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.                

2011 -  Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin.   He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The family gets extra money (SSI) from the government because Jeffrey has a disability.  

Scenario                 4:    

Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.                

1957 -  Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.  

2011 -  Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse,  Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist. 

 

Scenario                 5:    

Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.  

1957 -  Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock .  

2011 -  The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.       

           

Scenario                 6:    

Pedro fails high school English.  

1957 -  Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.  

2011 -  Pedro's cause is taken up by state.  Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a  requirement for graduation is racist..  ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher.  English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.          

        

Scenario                 7:    

Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant  bed.    

1957 -  Ants die.  

2011   -  ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism.  The FBI investigates his parents - and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated.  Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.      

            

Scenario                 8:    

Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee.   He is found crying by his teacher, Mary.  Mary hugs him to comfort him.    

1957  –   In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.                

2011 -  Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.    

This should hit every email inbox to show how stupid we have become!

Now You Know

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God saw it was good.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God, again saw it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed it was good.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There's no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me, I'll be on the front porch............